The long wait is finally over – the new book, ‘Supes Ain’t Always Heroes: Inside the Complex Characters and Twisted Psychology of The Boys’ released on December 5! We delayed the release in solidarity with the writers’ and actors’ strikes, but now the book is ready for reading just in time for us to all … Read more New Book on ‘The Boys’! ‘Supes Ain’t Always Heroes’ Now Available!
Fifteen years. Two brothers. Angels and demons. A story like no other. And one of the most passionate fan bases of all time. That’s Supernatural. When a show you love ends after changing your life in countless ways, saying goodbye is hard. When characters are as richly written as Sam and Dean and Castiel and … Read more There’ll Be Peace When You Are Done
Wondering where you can find Supes Ain’t Always Heroes, There’ll Be Peace When You Are Done, Family Don’t End With Blood and our other Supernatural books? Here’s all the information you need and links to order! Supes Ain’t Always Heroes: Our latest book is a deep dive into the hit streaming show The Boys, another … Read more Where To Find It – All Our Books on Supernatural, The Boys and More!
All of us here at Fangasm are especially proud to be pitching in with a charity auction to help Jared and Gen Padalecki raise money through #RunPadsRun for Dream Big, an organization that provides girls from low income households with the equipment and program fees that are necessary to participate in sports and physical activities. Many young women want to participate, but their economic situations prevent it. Uniforms and equipment are expensive, and so are the soccer and volleyball camps, dance classes, sports clinics and gymnastics classes that allow young women to excel in their sport of choice.
Why is this so important that the Padaleckis are running the Boston Marathon to raise money for the cause? With my psychologist hat on, I decided to find out – and it turns out the research is pretty compelling.
Multiple large-scale studies over the past decade have found a gender gap in youth sports, with girls from urban and low income environments the most impacted. Historically, sports have been an area in which women’s participation is sometimes limited, including access for racial minorities, GLBT+ persons, and women and girls. Girls have faced resistance to their participation, and women’s sports have often been devalued.
Supernatural was back from its mini-hiatus last week finally. I absolutely loved the last few episodes, so “Ouroboros” had a tough act to follow. It turned out to be an episode with some excellent moments and it definitely held my interest throughout, but there were a bunch of head scratching moments and we all know I don’t like those. On the other hand, I was thrilled to have Rowena back on my screen, so that combined with some great emotional scenes left me at least intermittently happy.
The episode, written by Steve Yockey and directed by cast favorite Amyn Kaderali, starts with a memorable scene (perhaps not for my preferred reasons, but…), a mostly shirtless barefoot dude cooking with some good music playing. I love the way it’s filmed and directed, almost like a sorta sexy version of a cable tv cooking show. Except, because this is Supernatural, it turns out barefoot dude is cooking a recently murdered man and slicing and breading and frying his organs and popping out his eyeballs for a snack. I literally said “ewwww” out loud. A new high for Supernatural’s enjoyment of making its fans have to stop eating their traditional pie slices. It was a well done opening, though, and I’d sort of like Noah (very well played by Phillippe Bowgen) if he wasn’t so busy eating people.
The CW/WB
Team Free Will Plus (TFW+) arrive too late and are understandably frustrated. Rowena gives Cas a flirty “Hello, Castiel”, and gets a puzzled look in return, which was sort of adorable. Then we unfortunately get our first head scratching moment. Rowena is the only one who notices that the corpse (and apparently the other similar corpses they’ve found) has black around his lips and really, the Winchesters didn’t notice that??? Too busy focusing on the cannibalism to, what? Be hunters??
Head scratch. Grrrr.
Rowena dispenses some wisdom to Jack when he asks if the black around the lips means something.
Rowena: Dear boy, everything means something.
She’s right, and Sam and Dean and Castiel know that, Show. We ALL know that!
There’s an overt (maybe too overt) theme running through the episode of “I’m fine, everyone’s fine” which starts with Rowena and Sam in the next scene as they research who this monster might be and why he always knows they’re coming. As they work, Rowena questions how Jack is okay and what kind of magic they used, and Sam just says ‘he’s fine’. She also wonders how Dean is managing to keep an Archangel locked up in his head.
Sam: Because he’s Dean. And Dean is…. Dean. He’s fine.
Of course he isn’t, but that’s sort of the point.
Meanwhile, Dean and Castiel have a diner chit chat while Jack is in the bathroom coughing up blood ominously. Cas is empathic with Dean, saying he can’t imagine the willpower it’s taking to keep Michael locked up, but Dean insists he’s fine.
Dean: That’s what I’m supposed to say, right?
Me: In this episode, yes, definitely.
Dean insists that it’s on him to keep it up, even if it means no sleep, but Cas protests.
Dean: It’s on me.
Cas: No, it’s on us. We’re here to help you.
Gif justjensenanddean
It’s a nice gesture, but Sam and Cas actually can’t do a damn thing to help Dean other than let him keep hunting to stay distracted. But as Castiel rightly notes, it’s not sustainable.
Jack uses up some more of his soul in the bathroom to heal himself and returns to the table, also insisting he’s fine.
This year’s Mardi Gras celebration in New Orleans was the gift that just kept on giving for Supernatural fans. Our very own Jensen Ackles (Dean Winchester) was crowned King by the Krewe of Bacchus, making him Bacchus LI (51) and introducing him to a whole new group of people who probably have never heard of that little CW show he’s on. I have a feeling that Supernatural came away with lots of new fans, because Ackles seems to have charmed the entire city of New Orleans.
With his customary humble attitude, Ackles made the traditional visit to the local Children’s Hospital, joyously tweeted about by several teenagers and nurses who were beside themselves that Dean Winchester himself was right there in the lobby. From his first appearance as he stepped off the bus and was greeted with a high school band that then amusingly followed him around playing the whole time, Jensen seemed as thrilled to be there as others were to have him there. He tossed doubloons with his face on them into the air and grinned his way through interview after interview, expressing his gratitude for such an honor and thanking wife Danneel for having the idea and helping make it a reality.
Photo Chris Granger
When the first photos appeared online of Ackles in his Bacchus regalia, the fandom lost its shit. Not gonna lie, some people were worried that no one could really pull off the sort of traditional over the top garb that Bacchus wears, but guess what? Ackles did. Boy, did he ever!
I never knew I had a thing for Jensen in white tights and boots but there you go.
Photo Steve Randon
It wasn’t just the outfit though. From the moment he climbed up on that float and began to toss beads and doubloons to the screaming crowd, Jensen looked every inch a real king.
Tell me this isn’t the benevolent King Ackles greeting his loyal subjects. With beads.
Along with much of the fandom, I watched the various livestreams of the parade, amused by the commentators who clearly weren’t sure who he was (but at least had done their homework, unlike some others…) When their livestream on Facebook began, one said “Oh wow, someone is watching from California.” Pause. “Oh someone is watching from Maine.” A second later, “OMG someone is watching from Australia!”
May I introduce you to the SPN Family, lovely commentator?
Jensen himself looked entirely in his element up on that float. He fist bumped when they paid homage to Supernatural with ‘Carry On Wayward Son’ and some other classic rock, and burst into giant grins when he saw someone holding up a Supernatural-related sign. Plenty of SPN Family made the trek to New Orleans and braved a very rainy day to make sure that there were lots of people cheering Jensen on.
Ackles enjoyed every moment, and got so into it that by the time they neared the end of the parade route, he was dancing on top of the float!
Photo The AdvocateGetty ImagesPhoto Kenny Lopez
That same exuberance carried over to the party celebration after the parade, where Jensen joined the DJ to rile up the crowd – and did more of that dancing he’d been doing all weekend. I saw several experienced Mardi Gras partiers say that they have never had the reigning King leave the VIP area and just party with everyone. Not surprising to anyone who knows how down to earth he is though, is it?
I saw a post on twitter that commented on how much Jensen has “come out of his shell” and how comfortable he seemed being in the spotlight at Mardi Gras. The post compared this weekend to the chapter Jensen wrote in Family Don’t End With Blood, in which he talked about his struggle to overcome his anxiety and especially his fear of speaking in front of other people. He credits the SPN Family for helping him feel more comfortable with that — and I guess Mardi Gras weekend really shows how far he’s come!
Here’s an excerpt from Jensen’s chapter, about how the fandom has changed him:
Before this experience, even at family events, I was anxious. I remember at my brother’s wedding, when I had to give a toast, I was so nervous it was like I had cottonmouth. I couldn’t even speak! I remember thinking, What’s wrong with me? I was already a professional actor by that time, so I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just get up and give a toast. It was like Bizarro Jensen!
…The first awards ceremony that I had to do. I was so nervous I felt like I was just going to pass out right on the stage. Even though I knew the lines—and they were on a teleprompter! It didn’t matter. I felt like I was about to faint just trying to do that.
…Fast-forward to ten years later. Supernatural, and my experience with fans and doing conventions, has changed that for me. And it’s because of the interaction between us… It’s because of the flow of love between us. We get so much energy from you. It’s fuel. That back and forth of emotion between us is fuel for me. And that emotion is genuine; it’s real. That makes all the difference….That comfort has carried over. You see, you’re not strangers anymore. You’re not strange to me. Of course, we’re all a little strange—and we take the little bit of strange in each of us and mix those little bits all up together, all of us, and that’s why we love the relationship we have. You’re family. And you’ve changed me.
I thought of what he wrote as I watched him hold court and toss beads and give interview after interview and shake his ass as he partied, a gigantic grin on his face.
It felt so good to know that we have been a part of his journey, a part of why he’s now able to be a King of Mardi Gras and enjoy every minute of it. Nobody deserves the honor more than Jensen, and I love knowing that we helped him get there.
From Danneel Ackles IGWith the Princess – From Danneel Ackles IG
Ackles is back at his day job now filming Supernatural, and castmate Jim Beaver has already joked that he’s refusing to take his “sparkly suit” off, so that means all is back to normal on that show I love. But really, can you blame him?
I’m just waiting for Creation to announce “Bacchus Photo Ops” with King Jensen because hey, sign me up!
Party on, Mr. Ackles!
Source credit on video (www.instagram.com/p/Bul5OlancWE)
Today is the fourth anniversary of Supernatural actor Jared Padalecki’s ‘Always Keep Fighting’ campaign, which has been life changing — and life saving — for so many people. It took tremendous courage for Jared to not only launch a charity campaign to fight the stigma surrounding depression and anxiety so people can get the help they need, but to open up himself and share his own struggles. The campaign itself was important, spreading the message that is a theme of Supernatural, but nothing is more powerful and more validating than knowing that someone you admire has also faced depression and anxiety, and come close to giving up. That’s what Jared had the courage to share.
Jared began to talk about his own mental health struggles in a few interviews, and then he decided to do something unprecedented — share his story in detail, written in his own words, in a book. I’m honored that he trusted me to edit and publish Family Don’t End With Blood. If I had admired him before (and I did), the experience of working alongside him to tell his story made me admire him a million times more. It is not an easy story to tell, intensely personal and not the kind of story that a “celebrity” often shares so candidly. But Jared knew that the only way for his story to make a difference and truly inspire someone else was if he told it exactly how it happened – even when that was difficult. He was anxious the whole time, wanting the chapter to be perfect and simultaneously questioning how it would be received. All I could do was validate his anxiety and provide a metaphorical shoulder to lean on when the task was almost overwhelming for him.
The chapter that he eventually wrote, after two long years of working on it and struggling with it, is more than thirty pages long. In it, Jared writes about his lifelong struggle with anxiety and depression, starting the AKF campaign, and about his own darkest, most hopeless times. It’s a struggle that many of us can relate to.
Throughout the campaign, I still knew I wasn’t yet okay. I was able to function at a high level: I finished the filming of season 10, fulfilled my day-to-day duties as a husband and father, even did another AKF campaign with Jensen, but I still didn’t feel 100 percent. Something was still eating at me and beating on me. I could sense that, though my head was above water, I was sinking.
Those of us who have encountered bouts of depression and anxiety know that the demons can remain at a lull for months (or years) on end, and then reach a boiling point inside of a day.
That is what happened to me.
On top of the weeks, and months, and years of feeling the need to break down, but not feeling that I had permission to.
I broke.
Plain and simple.
I. Broke.
I sat in a park in Geneva, surrounded by thousands of people, young and old, celebrating their beautiful day off, and I felt more alone than I ever had in my life. All my pain, all my self-doubt, all my insecurities, came to a head. I hated myself.
The next part of his chapter is heartbreaking, a moment by moment account of just how bad it got and how he managed to eventually crawl his way out of that darkness and hopelessness. By the time he managed to get on a plane and head for home, he was barely holding it together.
I had god-awful anxiety the entire time, and no one to turn to for help. I found myself LITERALLY mumbling “Always Keep Fighting” to myself and even grabbed a pen from my bag and did something I hadn’t done since high school: I wrote on my arm. “AKF” up and down my left arm, over and over and over again. It seemed to calm me down better than listening to music or reading, so I did it, and I didn’t stop until I ran out of space.
Just like so many others, it was the mantra of “Always Keep Fighting” that got Jared through that difficult day. I know countless fans who now have those words on their own arms in a tattoo that they can touch and see to remind themselves to keep going.
None of us can do it all alone. We all need someone to have our back sometimes, to support us when we’re struggling, to carry us when we need it. Jared found the courage to speak up so he was able to connect with people to lean on that day. With his encouragement, many others have found the strength to share what they’re going through and ask for help — leaning on his words and inspiration so they too can always keep fighting.
Fandom wanted to give back to Jared and let him know just how big a difference AKF had made in many people’s lives. At San Diego Comic Con that year, fans held candles and the entire gigantic Hall H chanted ‘Always Keep Fighting’ over and over to let him know what he’d accomplished. Jared writes about that moment in Family Don’t End With Blood — his awe when he realized what was happening, his gratitude for all that the fandom has taught him and given him.
The light that was given to me that day still sits in my office (as does the note that was handed to me on the stage explaining what was going on). It always will. It is more valuable to me than any award or accolade ever will be. It helps put to rest one of my greatest fears: that I’ve let the fans down. Sometimes, when I still feel like I’ve failed somebody, or let somebody down, I’ll walk into my office, and see it, and remember that I have an entire family out there that wants me to know that “just” me is “just” fine.
Graphic Dr. SPN PHD
It’s the same message that Jared sends to all of us in the chapter he wrote. I have heard from thousands of people that when they were at their lowest, feeling like they truly could not go on, reading Jared’s words and knowing his personal story gave them the strength to keep living. I’ve heard from many who found the courage to reach out and get help because of Jared’s example. That’s what he wanted to accomplish, both with the chapter and with “Always Keep Fighting”, and I hope he knows just what a big difference he’s made in so many lives.
Reach out for help if you need it – and Always Keep Fighting!
National Suicide Prevention Hotline – 1-800-273-8255
Most Supernatural fans would agree that there are plenty of reasons to adore Jensen Ackles – and his birthday seems like the perfect time to reflect on what some of those reasons are. I’m sure everyone’s list is a little bit different, so this is my own personal collection of reasons why I’ve admired Mr. Ackles for well over a decade and why I still do today.
I feel like somebody out there is going to call BS on what I’m going to say next, but it’s true – the first thing I noticed about Jensen was his acting. I casually watched the whole first season of Supernatural (and the Jensen season of Smallville) without saying OMG this guy is smokin’ hot! (That admittedly came later). Instead, I noticed him because his performance as Dean Winchester suddenly and unexpectedly made me fall head over heels in love with the show and the character. It happened as Dean and Sam were having a heart to heart, leaning up against the Impala on top of a panoramic cliff sometime in Season 2, Dean breaking down and finally sharing his guilt and pain with his brother. Somehow I had missed the nuances of the character in the first season, perhaps because I was only watching to placate a friend who had fallen for the show, but Dean’s (Jensen’s) tears and palpable anguish in that scene just flew off the screen and right into my heart. I literally let the pile of papers I was grading slide off my lap and fall to the floor as I stared open mouthed and asked out loud “How did I not realize this is the most incredible television show ever?”
There was no going back after that realization, and it was due to that performance (and Jared’s performance, because something magic happens with they’re onscreen together and I’ve never been able to separate the Winchester brothers anyway). Since that initial revelation, I’ve been blown away by Jensen’s acting again and again and again. He has broken my heart and made me sob my way through countless boxes of tissues. He has made me laugh until I was crying all over again. He’s made my heart sing with joy in those rare moments when Dean allows himself some measure of happiness and contentment (or just plain relief that someone he loves has come back from the dead….again…) I’ve never loved a fictional character the way I love Dean Winchester, and that is largely due to Jensen Ackles.
I watched the milestone 300th episode of my favorite show of all time, Supernatural, with a horrendous case of the flu and no voice at all. I couldn’t live tweet and I didn’t have the stamina to read what anyone else thought of the episode, on twitter or anywhere else, so I missed a bit of the ‘we’re all in this together’ feeling that I relish when the Show has a special episode like this. I watched it on DVR later that night, curled up under a blanket with lots of tissues (for multiple purposes) and a cup of hot tea with honey instead of the wine and cherry pie I’d been planning. It’s taken me almost a week to finally find the strength to sit down at a keyboard and write out my thoughts. But you know what? I was as emotional as I’ve ever been about an episode of this Show that consistently makes me VERY emotional. And that’s really saying something.
Now that I can think a little more clearly, I’ve come up with five reasons why this episode worked so well for me (and I think for most people), but to do the episode justice, let’s start at the beginning. I also note a few things that shouldn’t have worked so well, but those mostly got lost in the shuffle of OMG FEEEEEELINGS that characterized my viewing experience.
The emotional hooks start immediately – we’re vaulted right back to the start, the boys (babies!) uttering the iconic lines “Dad’s on a hunting trip” and “We got work to do.” For someone like me who has been watching from the start, it meant everything that the ‘Then’ went all the way back to the beginning and reminded me of just how long this Show has been a big part of my life.
Then we’re rolling, and instead of guest stars of the week, we get to follow the Winchesters right away, so color me happy. Sam and Dean in a pawn shop searching for something specific, buying their way into the secret back room where the occult items are shelved. Sam surprised me by being the one to mess with an ominous looking teddy bear (it’s usually Dean who can’t keep his hands off things like that and Sam doing the eyeroll, though Dean does get his chance later with the dragon’s breath thingy).
Gif abordelimpala
And then with a twist, it turns out the boys are tracking down the shop owner who killed a hunter and stole all this dangerous stuff. He makes the mistake of attacking Sam with a giant scimitar and threatening him, with a speech that ends with “You’re a big boy…” so of course Dean kills him.
Dean: They always talk too much…
I laughed out loud – or I would have if I was capable of making any actual sound. So this is going to follow the Show’s tradition of being a little self referential and a wee bit meta then, and that makes me very happy indeed. The Robbie Thompson-penned 200th episode, Fan Fiction, one of my favorites of the series, was more than a wee bit meta and I loved every minute of it. It seems fitting that the Show should give both its fans and its cast some wink wink nudge nudges in a milestone episode, and that’s Reason No. 1 that this episode worked for me. There were numerous call backs to previous iconic scenes, plus a whole bunch of Easter eggs scattered throughout, from items we’ve seen in past episodes to Family Business Beer signs. I loved every one of them! Thanks, Meredith Glynn and Andrew Dabb, for working so hard to get them all in, and so organically.
The past several days have been a whirlwind of articles and videos and spoilers and lots and lots of excitement about the little show that, for much of its existence, few people had ever heard of. And yet, despite those years of flying under the radar, sometimes happily, Supernatural is about to air its 300th episode – and going into its 15th season! As I scan through article after article in mainstream publications from Variety to USA Today to EW to TVGuide and everything in between, I’m astounded by what a wild ride this has been and how far this little show – and its fandom – have come.
I remember being similarly astounded when the 100th episode was about to air, feeling so proud of the show and its cast and crew and fans for hanging in there and achieving such a milestone. I remember being over the moon when the 200th episode aired, blown away by both the number of episodes I’d watched over the years and by the episode itself thanks to Robbie Thompson’s genius. I cried a lot as the beautiful haunting version of ‘Carry On Wayward Son’ played and the Winchesters looked on (Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles just as emotional as the rest of us). I didn’t think at either of those times that there was much chance of making it to episode 300 – but Supernatural has surprised everyone from day one.
For those of us who have been watching in ‘real time’ since the start, the longevity of the show has made it more than just a favorite television series. If you love Supernatural and are part of the SPNFamily like I have been for many years, the show becomes a touchstone for all the important milestones in your personal life as well. I discovered the show thanks to a few close friends, and made more lifelong friends through online fandom and conventions; I’ve traveled the world with these people, collaborated on creative projects, squeed over favorite episodes. More importantly, these people have been there at the times when I wasn’t squeeful; they were there when I was sad and hurt and angry and scared. The friends I’ve made through this show and this fandom are the people I know I can turn to no matter what.
I write a lot about that benefit of fandom, the community that we all find in fandom and how important and life changing that can be. What’s also impactful about this show is that when you love fictional characters with all your heart and soul, they become very real to you. (Not in the delusional way, my psychologist self is yelling in my ear, but in a healthy and adaptive and helpful way). When you love them, they’re an inspiration and a validation and a comfort to you when times are tough. This show itself is a comfort, and a reminder to many of us to “Always Keep Fighting” even when it’s difficult.
I’ve had a lot of tough times in the past fourteen years, as we all undoubtedly have. My love of this show and its fandom community helped get me through those times when my children were struggling and my heart was breaking not knowing how to help. Through the stress (and frankly terror) of changing jobs and daring to do things I’d always wanted to do, like writing books and actually trying to get them published. Through the insanity of the tenure track rat race and the unrelenting stress of constantly having to prove yourself that is still part of it. Sometimes it was enough just to have the escape of watching a new episode, or revisiting a favorite old one that feels like a warm blanket and never fails to soothe me. Sometimes it was reaching out to fandom friends or just sharing my feelings or reading fic for three hours to de-stress – or maybe writing it myself. Supernatural has always been there for me, in so many ways I can no longer count them.
One of my toughest losses in these past fourteen years was losing my dad. My mom died long ago, and my dad was my rock. He was my biggest cheerleader while I put myself through grad school with three jobs and later when I said I wanted to write books – on a television show he’d never seen. It didn’t matter; he was behind me all the way. I got the call that my dad had unexpectedly passed away when I was at a Supernatural convention. I put down the phone and literally stepped off the airport shuttle and into the con hotel, numb and in shock. It seemed like the worst timing possible; in fact, it was the best. I walked into the arms (literally) of the most supportive group of people on the planet. Friends took my hand and helped me stay calm. Creation staff brought me ibuprofen and literally walked me to my seat and kept checking on me to be sure I was okay. The actors who play the characters I adore heard the news even though I didn’t tell them, and one by one they came over to tell me how sorry they were and to give me a hug. One of the worst days of my life is wrapped in memories of feeling loved and taken care of, because I happened to be immersed in the Supernatural family.
I’m grateful. Grateful for everything this show has given me over these many many years. Grateful that the actors and the fans trusted me enough to help them write a book that told their stories of how the show and the fandom had changed their lives too. Writing Family Don’t End With Blood was a labor of love, and I know somewhere my dad is smiling that it’s dedicated to him and that its sales benefit the work of Random Acts and Attitudes in Reverse. Grateful for the amazing friends I’ve made and the stories I’ve been privileged to hear and learn from and the fictional characters who will forever be as real to me as you can get – and as cherished.
I wish I could thank every single person who has kept this show going for 300 episodes – the most dedicated and talented crew in the business, the most eloquent writers, the hard-working producers and staff behind the scenes, the CW and WB and everyone else who didn’t give up, the most passionate fandom in the universe (with all the good that brings and sometimes a bit of the not-so-good too) and the Best. Cast. Ever. For never phoning it in, for never giving up, for never not caring. Someone said early on that this Show is lightning in a bottle – and they were so right.
There have been so many moments over the years – these are just a few that the most fabulous con photographer ever happened to snap. Thanks Chris Schmelke.
Happy 300th episode, Supernatural. And many many MANY more.
We couldn’t let this day go by without wishing a very happy birthday to one of our favorite people, the multi-talented actor, singer, and writer, Gil McKinney. Yes, he’s definitely a writer – in fact, he was the very first of the Supernatural actors to complete his chapter for Family Don’t End With Blood! In that chapter, Gil writes about how the SPN Family has supported, inspired and helped him to rediscover talents and passions that he’d put aside. That includes singing, which he has now done in performances all over the world, at conventions and at concerts. That also includes his awesome EP and Christmas CD produced by Jason Manns, which are both emotional and beautiful.
I still remember the first time Gil opened his mouth to sing at a Supernatural convention and every jaw in the room just dropped. His voice is that beautiful, and his stage presence only makes the live performances more stunning.
I said I was overwhelmed last week when there had been two excellent and emotional Supernatural episodes in a row, so I don’t know what adjective to use to describe where I’m at this week – because it’s now THREE episodes in a row that have been truly amazing! Last week’s “Prophet And Loss,” penned by Eugenie Ross-Leming and Brad Buckner, who are not always my favorite writers, continued the show’s string of wins. I guess I have to amend my opinion and say that the duo sometimes do write a favorite episode, in fact. Thank you Brad and Eugenie! And thanks to Tom Wright for some beautiful direction too.
There was a great deal of anticipation going into this episode. First, it’s the episode before the 300th and the return of John Winchester. Second, at the last Supernatural convention I tweeted something ominous that Jensen Ackles said:
.@JensenAckles : I did a scene in episode 12 where Dean is in a bad place physically and I got emotional. It was unexpected and some of the crew were crying. #SPNJAXpic.twitter.com/tMacHVYS7l
That tweet made the rounds yesterday since the episode he was referring to was finally about to be shown, and that meant we all knew that there was a heart-wrenching scene during which Jensen got emotional for real. That’s not an unusual thing, since both Ackles and Padalecki have often talked about the fact that they don’t need to think about something sad to bring the emotion to a scene – they just let themselves feel what the character they know so well is feeling, and the emotion happens organically. That’s what makes it so real, and why it’s impossible for me not to empathize when it happens. However, it’s not usually so intense that the seasoned crew is actually tearful! (If anyone can do that, though, it’s Ackles).
Third, we were all already feeling emotional after the last two episodes – at this point, most of us were traumatized in advance just thinking about Dean being locked in a sinking and slowly disintegrating box at the bottom of the ocean, trying desperately to stay in contact with Sam and knowing he’s trapped there with Michael. So when the episode began with that infernal box at the bottom of the ocean and Dean freaking out inside it, most of us freaked out too.
I don’t quite know what to do with myself – this is two weeks in a row that I’ve been absolutely blown away by how GOOD the Supernatural episode was. I must have become accustomed to getting a good episode here and there and every now and then a great one, and having the ones in between be frustrating in some way or not quite satisfying. I didn’t even realize how accustomed to that I’d become, but apparently having two fabulous episodes back to back is almost too much for me – I haven’t felt this euphoric about the Show in a while, and it feels amazing to be back to fangirling my little heart out over Supernatural.
Thank you, Show! Thank you Steve Yockey for last week’s episode and Davy Perez for this week’s episode. The cast never disappoints — even when I’m disappointed in the episode itself, I’m never anything but impressed with all of them. But this week and last week, something special happened. That spark, that magic, that “lightning in a bottle” that first captivated me about this Show returned. This week and last week, Jared and Jensen were onscreen together after being apart for much of this season, and I was blown away all over again by how much emotional impact they bring to Sam and Dean when the brothers are interacting. That’s what made me fall in love with this Show, and what I found so compelling – and I’ve missed it. Something happens when those two are onscreen together, when the emotions are so intense and so palpable and so REAL and I can feel everything Sam and Dean are feeling. It’s magic, pure magic.
Damaged Goods was also heartbreaking and horrifying, but that too is what Supernatural has always been about. From the moment we see Dean packing up his duffel, there’s a sense of foreboding. He leaves his room and glances down the hall, almost wistfully. Was he regretting not being able to say goodbye to Cas and Jack? Regretting leaving the place he’s come to call home? He finds Sam in the library, hard at work trying to figure out a way to vanquish Michael and save his brother. Dean overtly expresses his appreciation, and that’s…. odd? Then he says he wants to go see Mom, sounding downright sentimental, and he doesn’t want Sam to come along, and … uh oh. Every alarm bell in my head starts going off. Dean’s going to do something stupid and sacrificial, clearly.
When Dean starts to leave and then suddenly veers to pull Sam into a hug from behind, I already want to cry because something very bad is clearly about to happen. Ackles is brilliant in this small, quiet scene. The way it looks like he’s trying to leave without touching Sam, but he’s pulled almost like a magnetic force, and the way he clutches Sam to him, almost kissing him on the head – it’s almost more maternal than brotherly, so full of affection it makes my heart ache.
“Take care, Sammy,” he says, and forces himself to leave.
Sam stares after him, looking as worried as I’m feeling.
Caps itsokaysammy
Such a small scene, but so much of what this Show is about. The love between these two brothers, the shared history of sacrifice and courage and saving each other and the world and trying to do the right thing – it all adds up to become this intense emotional experience when you’ve been following the Winchesters’ story for going on fourteen years. We know them; we know, as Dean rests his chin on Sam’s head and pulls Sam to him, that this is goodbye.
