Supernatural Puts ‘Jack In The Box’ – and Me In A Mood

 

It’s a tough time to be a fan. I have two shows that I absolutely adore, and both of those shows delivered a gut punch last week that left me reeling. The Magicians season finale saw the death of one of my favorite characters (and half of my favorite ship) and it was both excruciatingly well done and absolutely heartbreaking (and maybe a bit problematic too). The very next night, Supernatural aired its penultimate episode of Season 14. I was already raw from the anticipatory grieving about Supernatural ending this time next year, and then The Magicians ripped me apart, so I went into watching “Jack In The Box” with more trepidation and dread than anticipation.

To those of you saying hey, why can’t you just watch the Show and love it? Let me just say that I would give ANYTHING to be able to do that right now. I DO love it, I will always love it. What I really want to do is squee about it all the time.  But last week’s episode left me feeling sad and vaguely sick to my stomach, so there’s not a lot of squee to be had right now.

I always go back and do a rewatch before I write my review, but today I found every excuse not to. Have to run out and pick up the ham for tomorrow’s dinner. Have to grade some papers. Have to clean….and water the plants (we have lot of plants, so that took alot of time)…have to….  Finally I couldn’t put it off any longer, and the rewatch made me feel every bit as sick to my stomach as the first watch did. I guess you can say that means the episode was well done, because it was clearly crafted to be upsetting (just as the episode before was crafted to be very sad), but when I don’t want to watch it, I’m not sure that’s the level of upset the Show was going for.

There were lots of times back in the day when fandom would all go online after a rip-you-apart episode of Supernatural and post tons of icons (predecessor of gifs) saying “Damn You Kripke!”

The Show has never played it the easy way, and it has never been lollipops and rainbows. It’s a story filled with tragedy, but it has also always been a story with hope and with characters I loved fiercely, who were often heroic in the face of tragedy. Terrible things have happened to our heroes over the years, and they’ve had to make terrible decisions to save the world and each other, but this episode was particularly hard to swallow. I’m well aware that my emotions (like most of the fandom’s) are heightened because we know we have only 21 episodes left of this story that is so important to us. That makes every episode that doesn’t hit quite right for me seem even more upsetting than it would have before we knew the end was imminent. So with that in mind, here are my thoughts on ‘Jack In The Box.’

We’ve known the episode title for quite a while, so everyone knew that Jack was probably going to end  up in that goddamn box, but I for one didn’t want to believe it. The Ma’lak box was so profoundly upsetting to the fandom when Dean was determined to get in it, and his nightmare so horrifying, that the thought of Jack in that box was almost unthinkable. So I guess I chose not to think about it. Still, as the ‘Then’ segment started, a chilling dread began to settle over me. Please Show, don’t go there. Please?

Let me just say at the outset that all the actors outdid themselves. They all played their parts incredibly well and every one of them made me genuinely feel. It wasn’t always what I wanted to feel, but feel I did. Robert Singer directed (and had a cameo as a doctor) and that was also as well done as always. The VFX was on point and the cinematography and set dec were often breathtakingly beautiful. I appreciate my Show even when I’m reluctant to go where it’s taking me.

We open with a memorial service for Mary in the bunker. The AU hunters and other people who’ve hunted with her are there, her photo (or rather Sam Smith’s photo) and John’s journal on the table. Sam, Dean and Cas join the group but only Dean speaks. He’s carefully composed, makes a joke about Mary’s cooking even, while Sam stands silent, nodding in agreement.

Dean: We lost our mom once before…

It’s something important to remember when you look at Dean’s behavior in this episode. There’s this thing with grief that’s called the “fishhook effect”. A new loss “hooks into” all the old loss and pulls it up like a fish snagged on a line, so that the pain of the new loss brings up all the pain of the old one and it’s overwhelming. That’s what happens to Dean here, I think. Unlike Sam, he remembers the horrible pain of losing his mother as a four year old, something that has shaped his life ever since and left him with a reservoir of anger that he’s channeled into making him an often ruthless hunter.

Dean expresses their gratitude that they got to know her and what she was really like, a smart and stubborn hunter who couldn’t cook worth a damn.

Dean: Mom, you weren’t here long enough…. But we’re glad for the time we had.

There’s a weird and jarring moment in the middle of all this where AU Bobby suddenly appears and tosses a hatchet across the room to kill one of the guests, who apparently is a wraith, but WTF? It was all very odd.

WTF?

AU Bobby says what we’re all thinking – that maybe Dean is like him, “bein’ teary in public’s not my style.”

That’s for sure because Bobby doesn’t seem very torn up at all for someone who was maybe kinda sorta having a bit of a thing with Mary.

At any rate, it’s soon clear that something is up with Dean. Sam suggests they open Ketch’s bottle of Scotch and hang out and talk about Mom.

Dean: (almost coldly) Talk about Mom? Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?

Ouch.

He boxes things up with steely motivation, like he thinks he can just box up his grief over losing his mother (again).

Courtesy of that grief and loss course I’m currently teaching, Dean and Sam struggle to understand each other in this episode or to be there for each other because they have two very different styles of grieving. Sam is an intuitive griever – he wants to express his grief and share his feelings, eager to take in the comfort of others. Dean, on the other hand, is an instrumental griever. He keeps his feelings to himself and tries to DO something instead – like plan a memorial and box up his mother’s things. Neither can help the other right now, and that’s heartbreaking.

Cas, Sam and Bobby break out the Scotch as Sam looks at one of the very few (only?) photos of him, Dean and Mary when they were little.

They disagree, however, about what to do about Jack.

Cas: We need to find Jack…and help him.

Bobby: I liked the kid… but if his human side is gone, he’s an unstoppable monster who don’t know right from wrong, and he needs to be put down!

Bobby sets off to do just that, and Dean takes off saying he needs to get out of there.

When the next scene opens, we see that Dean has parked the Impala in the woods and is sitting alone on a fallen log. He looks around one last time to make sure nobody is watching him, and then he finally breaks down. Jensen Ackles can make you believe grief like no one else, and he sobbed for real here. I can’t help but wonder if he was crying real tears knowing he will be losing Dean Winchester soon, the way so many of us keep crying. At any rate, it was a heartbreaking scene. Ackles talked about it at a recent convention, saying that it was a brutal scene to film because it was cold and pouring rain and they needed to shoot from above so there couldn’t be any shelter for him. It sounded like it took a long time to film, so it’s sort of a shame it was so short. It got the point across though. Dean is hurting – BAD. He just can’t let anyone know it.

Gifs itsokaysammy

And what is the most common ‘cover’ emotion when someone is hurting that badly? You guessed it. Anger.

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Supernatural Absence – Double Meanings and Iconic Things

 

I’ve come to the conclusion that the last episodes of Season 14 and the entirety of Season 15 of Supernatural are going to be a master class in grief and loss. It’s impossible for me to experience the show, the conventions, the fandom or anything else related to the Show without the spectre of its ending coloring my reactions. That was very much in evidence at the convention in Chicago last weekend and in last week’s episode, the aptly  named “Absence.” Supernatural’s absence? That’s pretty much all I can think about right now!

Coincidentally, I’m in the midst of teaching a graduate course in grief and loss to a bunch of counselors in training, so I’m immersed in current research and theory about what sort of things we experience as a loss and the myriad ways in which we grieve them. In a way, that’s making what’s happening with Supernatural and its fandom easier to understand, but in another way, it’s tempting me to grab onto one of the coping strategies for grief that sometimes comes back to kick you in the butt – denial, avoidance, intellectualizing, call it what you will. I’ve been doing a lot of all three, and let me just say up front that it probably influenced my reaction to this episode. As fandom used to say all the time back in the day to acknowledge and validate differing points of view, your mileage may vary.

In fact, my friend Laurena (who helms the Winchester Family Business) and I spent the con weekend together – and boy, did we ever have different perspectives on ‘Absence’! Then again, we’ve had different perspectives on Mary Winchester all along. And while we’re both mired in anticipatory grief about Supernatural ending, that meant we had a very different experience of this episode.

Let me say at the outset that I think director Nina Lopez-Corrado (whose work is incredible) and writer Robert Berens (who has written some amazing episodes) did an excellent job of taking the story where it needed to go. The actors all did an amazing job bringing the emotions that needed to saturate the story. That said, as a viewer, I was unusually reticent to go where they wanted to take me. (Laurena, on the other hand, fell down that rabbit hole and landed HARD).

I watched the episode on Thursday night after a long day of work, and then did a re-watch when I returned from the Chicago convention on Monday night. My second viewing was also impacted by having “Sammies with Sam” at the con  – that is, a little meet and greet with Samantha Smith while we ate delicious PBJ sandwiches. I love Samantha and I loved hearing her insights about Mary and about the Show. It was quite clear that she too was grieving, and that shared grief changed my experience of the episode on rewatch a bit. Suffice it to say, this is an episode review that was extraordinarily complicated!

We start off with Sam and Dean returning from the events of 14.17, glad to be home and to share beers as they traditionally do. Dean expresses his relief about Sam being alive in typically minimizing fashion, making a joke about “another miraculous Sam Winchester survival” – when we know he was completely undone by those few minutes of Sam being gone.  But that’s Dean.

Sam and Dean acknowledge Jack’s role in saving the day and say they’re glad to have a get out of jail free card, and if you didn’t know that Jack was on his way out before, you certainly did then. No show can have a consistent character who’s a get out of jail free card for long, since it dilutes the urgency of everything that happens. RIP Jack. (sobbing)

The opening scene is well done, the sense of dread slowly growing as the boys try to find Jack and Mary, and then Mary’s phone ominously rings at the other end of the table.

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Supernatural Vegas 2019! Part One

This year’s Vegas con was special. I know I say that about pretty much every con, because they’re all special in their own way – but no convention had ever been like this. This was the first convention after we found out that Supernatural is ending after next season. When I heard the news, I couldn’t wait to be with a bunch of people who truly “get it”. Fellow fans who are just as devastated by the news as I was, and who love the actors and the Show enough to support the decision anyway. I just wanted to talk to people who understand, and get lots of hugs too. And that’s pretty much what I got.

My friend Laurena from Winchester Family Business and I roomed together at the Rio, where I’ve had all sorts of misadventures before including the traumatic experience of having our bathroom explode in the middle of the night and our room be overtaken with sewage (literally) like something out of a horror movie. The Rio always brings adventures of some kind, even if it’s only the adventure of walking five miles each way from the hotel through the casino to the convention center which is more or less in the next state over. Maybe an exaggeration, but maybe not. There’s also the drama of the Starbucks which insists on closing at 3 pm every day and the serious lack of fast and easy takeout. And the smoke-filled casino.

But actually, I have as many fond memories of the Rio as traumatic ones. This year, like every year, was a time to catch up with friends old and new. I got to see HR’s brand new Richard sculpture along with the rest of the gang. This fandom is so damn talented!

This year, I just wanted to immerse myself in the arms of the SPNFamily, both cast and fans. So that’s what I did.

My friend Alana and I spent a lot of time talking about how many fans were confronted with derision in their non-fannish lives and being judged for grieving the loss of a television show. So we sat down and filmed a video for her channel, which you can watch on her channel (link below). We hope it helps a little bit as we all help each other get through this. And try to look forward to the next year of Supernatural!

Why It’s Okay to Be Sad About Supernatural Ending

I’ve grown to love being part of the “vendor squad” at the Supernatural cons. We’re like a traveling band of wanderers, but we all look out for each other and support each other. There’s always someone to watch your table while you run to the bathroom or pat you on the back when you’re tired or lend you some packing tape or just share a laugh. I was right next to the lovely Jason Manns’ table manned by the equally lovely Misty when he wasn’t there. It was nice to catch up with Jason again and to reminisce a little about the early days of the fandom and some of his first concerts, including in my hometown many years ago! Jason contributed a free digital download of ‘Soul’ to one of our first books, Fangasm Supernatural Fangirls, and a Station Breaks free song to Family Don’t End With Blood too, so he’s part of the FDEWB family.

I flew in on Wednesday night and arrived at about 1 am after flying for 9 hours including layovers, so needless to say I was absolutely knackered. I checked in and started dragging my suitcases across the casino floor when I heard someone call out “hey, are you Fangasm?”

A young woman in a Supernatural tee shirt who looked very distraught was asking, so I said yes. Nearly in tears, she asked if I could help her, because her roommate wasn’t getting in until tomorrow and the hotel was not letting her check in because she was under 21. As though stranding her in the middle of a casino was a better idea! I got back in the check in line and gave them a guarantee for her so they’d give her a room – so for the rest of the weekend whenever I saw her, she’d joke that I was her savoir. Hey, we’re all SPNFamily.

Thursday was kicked off by our host Richard Speight Jr., as always, and Louden Swain.

Then it was time for Adam Rose, who I haven’t seen in a long time and really enjoy. Adam immediately acknowledged the elephant in the room.

Adam: I heard the news…I’m really excited to see how they wrap things up. It’s great they get a year to do that.

What are Aaron and his Gollum up to?

Adam: Last time we saw Aaron and his Gollum they were at a disco in Germany so I feel like they’re having fun.

He’s also up on his Supernatural memes, including the one he stars in from his episode.

Adam: Oh my god these guys are psychopaths… I love that meme!

Adam was not spared some J2 pranking on set.

Adam: I’m doing this intense scene with Jensen and I see Jared pop up (off camera of course) holding this paper with a phallic object on it. I cracked up. So then, 13 takes later…

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Winchesters Caught In The Mousetrap – Supernatural ‘Game Night’

 

Twenty three more Supernatural episodes to go, and counting. Last week’s ‘Game Night,’ written by Meredith Glynn and directed by John Showalter, was the first episode I watched knowing that the Show was coming to an end, so I think I was even more attentive than usual. As in, nobody should say a word to me while I’m relishing every last second of my favorite show for the next solid year! It wasn’t a perfect episode, but it was a wild rollercoaster of both action and emotion, and that means I enjoyed it – and was grateful to be able to see a new episode. That’s going to be the case from now on in, but I’ll probably still find things to quibble about in the midst of my relishing. Okay, make that definitely.

The ‘Then’ includes Nick, which made me groan because I’m just over that story line and the inevitable tie-in to Lucifer (as is about 99.9% of the fandom, but apparently that news has not reached the network). The ‘Now’ begins with someone baking cookies and for a split second I thought it was Dean doing some nesting in the bunker, but nope, it’s Donatello humming and baking in his cozy kitchen. I really like Donatello so when the doorbell rang I started shaking my head immediately, even before he wound up tied to a table with a gigantic hypodermic needle poking into his neck. (I closed my eyes but his screams were still audible). Ouch.

Back at the bunker, it’s Winchester Game Night. Dean is fixing his favorite childhood game, Mousetrap (aww), Jack is making Jiffy Pop on the stove and Mary’s got the beers. Sammy’s out picking up the pepperoni meat intensive pizzas and one with pineapple for Jack, over Dean’s objections. It’s a nice domestic scene which means things are about to go south in a big way.

Sure enough, Dean gets a phone call pleading for help from Donatello.

Dean: So much for Winchester Game Night…

He tries to call Sam but there’s conveniently no signal – that’s Show’s favorite way of splitting characters up, oops, no service suddenly – so he and Mary head off with instructions for Jack to fill Sam in. (I do love that Sam’s voicemail says if you can’t reach him to ‘call my brother’ just like John’s always said ‘call my son Dean’.)

Once Sam gets back he says what I’m thinking – I should be there with you!

Dean assures him it’s okay, and Sam takes issue (me too, Sam).

Sam to Dean: Watch your back.

Dean: That’s the plan.

Winchester for love you, be careful.

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Salute to Supernatural, Nashville – Friday and Saturday Recap

[In which Kim writes a guest post and makes herself cry….and posts lots and lots and lots of pretty pretty pictures…]

The first con of the year, in Seattle, was cancelled, making this year’s Salute to Supernatural Convention in Nashville the first con of the year. I don’t know if Seattle’s cancellation was the reason, but the atmosphere in Nashville felt electric, joyous, full of anticipatory excitement.

If only we had known then what we know now.

As I write this, I am walking a tightrope, trying to find the right balance. We did not know then what we know now. We were happy and excited and full of joy. We hugged old friends and made new ones, just as we do at any convention. We laughed and joked our way through photo op lines, and then we consoled one another afterwards. I cannot imagine how different it would have all been if we had known.

I think the best thing, perhaps the only thing, I can do is to give you the highlights of this convention. Add in some happy pictures, pretty pictures. Perhaps it will bring some measure of comfort, or happiness, or joy to you in light of what we know now.

Friday panels began with our most favorite unicorn, Rachel Miner. She talked about her time in Kim Rhodes’ closet, how her favorite scene was Meg’s death (written so beautifully by Robbie Thompson), and she laughed when a fan reminded her that she once wished for Meg and Cas to have little demon/angel babies. Rachel also spoke about MS and how she copes with it:
“My day is made or broken by simple kindnesses. I have everyday momentary heroes and many of them are women… I have the life I have because of you. It was your encouragement not to hide.”

Jason Manns followed Rachel’s panel. First we were treated to a few songs with Jason, Rob, and Richard, including “Wagon Wheel” and some Station Breaks!

[Lynn popping into Kim’s guest post to add: Richard Speight Jr. in glasses…. yum…}

Jason talked about working with Richard Speight Jr. in the studio, saying that he’s very professional and they’ve had a lot of fun working together.

Jason also said, “I love conventions because everyone is like on vacation with a bunch of like minded folks.” And he’s right – this is like a vacation, with all of your friends… and as I write this, I hold on to the hope of many more vacations to come.

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