The Saturday Night Special – Dallas 2019!

Before I get started with the recap of the Saturday Night Special in Dallas, I’d like to say a few words about concert photography. It is, in fact, its own very complex skillset. Not only do you have to anticipate the musicians’ movements, waiting for just the right moment, but you also need to feel the emotion, and then find a way to frame it, to capture it in a way that translates that moment in time. On top of that, there’s the challenge of stage lighting. (insert appropriate gif of me screaming here) Listen, I love the stage lighting for these concerts, I really do. Essentially the center of the stage is well lit, with normal lighting, but the sides of the stage are darker and the lighting is more blue, even purple. It lends to the energy and passion of the music being played on the stage. But let me tell ya, it does prove quite difficult when editing the photos. I could’ve spent days trying to color correct, but alas, I did not. Instead, I just went with the blue and purple hues cast upon the faces of the performers. I actually kinda like it, and I hope the photos in this article will somehow bring you into the moment with me.

I have written many, many recaps/reviews of Louden Swain’s Saturday Night Specials. Sometimes I think that I have exhausted my vocabulary of adjectives and adverbs as I try to explain to you just how much I love Louden Swain. But it’s summertime, so…

When I was a kid – just a few years ago LOL – I loved amusement parks and all the rides: the slower rides, like the bumper cars or the carousel; the water rides, which often left me drenched, a welcome relief from the heat of a summer day; and the thrill rides, like the ones that spin you around to the point of utter dizziness, to the rollercoasters that slowly carry you up the hill then send you flying down the other side, often turning you upside-down and sideways and all of it at heart-stopping speeds. At some point, a waterpark was added, and I loved that too, especially the lazy river… it was so relaxing to just float along the path, to have a quiet moment away from the loud hustle of the rides.

And, of course, I went to the park with friends, often part of a large group, so it was also nice when we’d all meet to eat some lunch, and share stories about having good times with good friends, laughing and screaming and riding the rides.

That, my friends, is a Louden Swain concert. These concerts are an adrenaline-filled thrill ride, with all the energy and excitement of an amusement park – from speeding rollercoasters full of heart-stopping thrills, to lazy rivers that slow things down and soothe one’s soul. These concerts are good times with good friends, from Borja, smiling as he plays bass or keyboards, to Stephen pounding away on the drums in time with the beating of our hearts.

These concerts are Billy, meticulously, methodically, melodiously fingering that guitar, filling us with wave after wave after crashing wave of emotion. (hashtag allthegasms)

These concerts are Rob, playing that guitar, singing those lyrics, taking us on all the rides, leading us upward on the rollercoaster and filling us with anticipation and excitement… speeding downward, knowing the thrill that comes with the speed… then walking with us as we settle into the lazy river, slowing it down with lyrics full of heartbreak and heartache and pain and love. And at the end of the night, Rob is there to light the fireworks and take us through one last moment of excitement and awe. Yes, these concerts are Rob, the true Master of Ceremonies.

I won’t keep going with these metaphors. Instead, I’ll say sit back and relax, and just enjoy this ride.

Louden Swain came onto the stage before the lights came on. They were shadowy figures up there, moving into position. The first chords were played, chords I knew oh so well. Slowly, the stage lights came on, Rob and Billy and Borja softly playing their guitars, Stephen tapping the cymbals. Then Rob began to sing, “There is just one bottle left to open…” And it begins! The song is called “Reunion” and it is one of my favorites! It’s a high energy song, one that builds slowly and erupts into a full out rock song. On top of the music, it has great lyrics. Whenever I’m struggling, these words seep into my mind, into my soul, a constant reminder: “I’m alive and I’m still tryin.” #LifeMotto

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Back to Chicago, Where It All Began! Supernatural 2019

The very first Supernatural convention I went to was in Chicago. Well, actually that’s not true. There was a fan-run and all-fan convention of about 30 people in Vancouver in 2007 a few months before the Creation one in Chicago, where I met people who also loved Supernatural and who I still call friends today, twelve years later. But Chicago was the first one with Jared and Jensen, along with a few other SPN guests and some folks from Buffy and Angel too (because Creation wasn’t sure this new little show could pull off a con on its own). My friends and I stalked the website for literally months, waiting for the tickets to go on sale so we could snag some. We had no idea what to expect really – would the actors be as nice as they seemed in the few interviews we’d seen? Would they be entertaining onstage? I want to laugh so hard now, knowing the answers to those questions – but I don’t think anyone could have predicted just how NICE they really are or just how entertaining they would be!

Through the years, I’ve been back to Chicago for a Supernatural convention many times. One of my good friends lives there – we met through a con, when I found myself stranded after the convention ended and a hurricane blew in, cancelling all flights and leaving me without a hotel. I was new to twitter, but I put out a plea – can anyone help? Up drove Laurena, rescuing me from a very bad part of town and taking me in, because SPNFamily. We’ve been friends ever since.

This year, Laurena and her lovely husband Rock helped me in the vendor room once again. There were many old friends at this con, some that I’ve known since the very first one twelve years ago, and many new friends too, some that I’ve met along the way and now call my good friends too. Knowing that the Show is coming to an end made the Chicago con even more emotional than usual, because I keep thinking of beginnings now that I’m constantly thinking about endings. There will be at least one more Chicago con, but this was the last one that will happen when the Show is still on the air. And that hurts.

The actors are also thinking a lot about endings now, and some of them about beginnings too. Richard Speight Jr. reminisced with Rob about his first convention, which was also right here in Chicago. We were writing ‘Fangasm Supernatural Fangirls’ at the time, and there’s an entire chapter in that book on the first couple of Chicago conventions – it’s where we first met Richard and got to know him. None of us could imagine at the time how much our lives would change because of Supernatural.

So this year was bittersweet, but there was a whole lotta sweet! (Neither my camera nor my phone were at all happy so I got fewer photos than usual, but I’ve included some of the better ones here. At least that finally forced me to go out and get a new phone!)  Rachel Miner kicked off the con, as she often does – which is a lot like kicking off the day with a sparkly rainbow and lots of sunshine. And unicorns.

Rachel said she feels comfortable at conventions, like she’s with friends. She proved it by sharing her epic fail moments that would be on a gag reel.  That should tell you what sort of courageous – and hilarious – person Rachel is.

Rachel is an unabashed Cas girl.

Rachel: I’d like to think if Cas saw Meg in the The Empty, he’d have tried to rescue her.

She likes that both Meg and Cas didn’t fit traditional gender roles, and that they probably have both been male and female.

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Happy Birthday Sam Winchester!

In celebration of one of our favorite Winchester’s birthday, we’re looking back over Season 14 and how far Sam has come – and at the incredible acting of Jared Padalecki that has brought Sam to life so vividly and made us all fall in love with him. Every guest star who has ever been on Supernatural has talked about their surprise to find that the leads of the show, even after all this time, are not just “phoning it in”. That they care so much about this show and these characters that they “bring it” every single time – even when it’s someone else’s coverage.

At this point, they’ve talked about how it’s not exactly like acting anymore – they know these characters so well, they can just become them. And it shows.

So on Sam Winchester’s birthday, here’s a look back at Season 14 entirely in screencaps – which tell the story of Sam’s emotional journey and of Jared’s incredible acting talent.

Early Season 14 found Sam grieving the loss of his brother, possessed by the archangel Michael and lost to Sam. Hence what the fandom lovingly dubbed the ‘beard of brotherly grief’. On a totally shallow level, Jared looked hot like FIRE – but on an emotional level, he made it achingly clear that Sam was in incredible pain. It shows in his every expression, in the look in his eyes, in the way he carries himself. My heart broke for him.

Jared can portray pain like nobody else – physical pain, the way he did so authentically in Red Meat, and emotional pain, as he’s had to do for much of this season.

In the midst of his own grief, Jared also showed us the empathic side of Sam. Sam Winchester has a tremendous ability to put himself in other people’s shoes, no matter who they are. He’s done it with Rowena, and thus has developed a sort of bond with her. He’s done it with Jack, creating a closeness and making Sam a father figure to Jack.

Dad!Sam

In one early episode of this season, he even reached out in empathy to Nick, understanding all too well what it means to have been possessed by Lucifer.

It clearly cost Sam so much to do that — Nick was wearing Lucifer’s face, bringing back all of Sam’s own trauma and PTSD — and Jared shows us every bit of that, without a word needed. A flinch, a fleeting expression, and we know.

Sam having to confront his brother, knowing it was Michael and Dean was trapped inside, was clearly painful for him too. There wasn’t even any dialogue about it, but just one look – and you knew.

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It’s the Last Supernatural Season Finale – And I’ve Got Feelings! (14.20, Moriah)

 

Last week was the Season 14 finale of my favorite show, Supernatural.  The last Supernatural season finale, ever; the next one will be the series finale. As season finales have done for over a decade, the ‘Road So Far’ was accompanied by the song that’s become the unofficial theme song for Supernatural, Kansas’ Carry On (Wayward Son). I immediately burst into tears, which isn’t the first time. I don’t even want to think about the state I’ll be in when Carry On starts to play a year from now and we all know it’s the last time.

Two days later, I’m still conflicted about the episode – and damn, do I have a lot of questions! I was not alone in my split opinions.  My timeline literally alternated between “Genius OMG!” and “Stupidest episode ever how dare you!”  I had whiplash just trying to skim through Twitter. The confusing thing is, I get it. I get both reactions. As often happens to me, I’m caught somewhere in the middle instead of being firmly all in with one group or the other. You can look at this episode from multiple perspectives, and each sends me to a different emotional space. One thing is for certain – I still care about this Show just as much as I always have, because it kept me awake half the night and was the first thing I thought about when I woke up this morning. That in itself is pretty amazing.

So let’s walk (or run, really, because this was a fast paced episode) through ‘Moriah’, and see what worked and on what level – and what didn’t.

I love ‘The Road So Far’ in every season finale. This one recapped pretty much all of Season 14, from Michael to the return of John and the epic family reunion in the 300th episode. There was some epic VFX and some emotional moments, and then we pick up right where we left off – with Jack having blown up the Ma’lak box and escaped.

He confronts Sam, Dean and Cas, eyes glowing ominously.

Jack: You lied to me!

He throws them across the room, but at least he didn’t incinerate them. And then he’s gone.

Dean and Castiel are still very much at odds in this episode, Dean arguing that Jack is dangerous and needs to be stopped.

Dean: Now he’s just another monster.

Cas: (shocked) You don’t mean that.

Dean: The hell I don’t.

Fandom was still split about Jack and whether he’s still a misunderstood nougat loving boy trying to do the right thing or a soulless dangerously powerful being who’s killed people. Logically I think it’s pretty clear the latter is true, but emotionally the Show keeps making sure we remember the former version of Jack and thus feel for him. So Dean still comes off as pretty harsh, and very very angry.

Director Phil Sgriccia makes the emotional scene between Dean and Cas jump off the screen with its intensity, and Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins both bring it. They are both angry, both convinced they are right and the other is wrong – and that the stakes are high because someone (Jack or other people) will die if they don’t do what they feel they need to. Sam is the emotional core of the audience in much of this episode, cringing as the two people he’s so close to have it out but unable to intervene.

One of the things I haven’t liked in Season 14 is the lack of interaction between Dean and Sam, which is why I started watching the Show in the first place. In this episode, they actually get to talk, so that goes in the win column (though their conversation is uncharacteristically awkward). Dean wants Sam to know that he realizes how hard this is for Sam and what Jack meant to him.

Dean: Hell, he meant a lot to me too, he was family. But this is not Jack anymore. We have to do the hard thing, the ugly thing. Not like it’s the first time though, right?

At the time I thought that was an odd thing to say. In retrospect, I see that Andrew Dabb (who is both the showrunner and the writer of this episode) was trying to foreshadow the eventual reveal that the Winchesters have been manipulated their whole lives into doing all kinds of hard and ugly things – for the amusement of God. I mean, Chuck.

It was interesting that Dean continued to refer to Jack as “the kid” throughout this conversation with his brother, even as he’s trying to convince Sam that he needs to be killed. I saw this as evidence of Dean’s ambivalence. I said in my last review, Dean is not as certain about this course of action as he seems. It’s there in little tells like that. He likes to bluster and present his decision as something he’s absolutely certain about, but Dean is a much deeper thinker than that – and he feels things more deeply than he lets on too.

Meanwhile, Jack is hurt that he was lied to by the father figures he trusted, and hypervigilant for all the lying that humans do all the time – which of course he finds evidence of everywhere. Jack’s temper gets the better of him again, and he orders everyone to “Stop lying!”

Which they do.

Sam and Dean put on their fed suits (momentary detour to say that yes, the boys do look damn good in their fed suits) and head out in the Impala to look for Jack. They drive to a company called Mirror Universe which looks like it must be in California (and seems like some sort of call out to every science fiction episode ever that had one, including arguably Supernatural’s own AU). Either that or it’s a hint about what eventually happens in this episode.

Dean scoffs at the “nerds” but Sam isn’t having it. (Because Sam Winchester as we head into the last season has had it up to here with not speaking his mind, and he’s doing it – and I am here for it!)

Sam: Takes one to know one.

He proceeds to prove it by rattling off all the totally nerdy things that fanboy Dean does, including watching Jeopardy every night just like me; Dean doesn’t deny any of them. Jared and Jensen were gold in this entire scene, their expressions on point and their brotherly chemistry lighting up the screen.

Dean beelines for the attractive woman at the desk, assuming he can charm her (not a bad assumption).

Dean (flashing his badge per usual): I’m Dean Winchester and I’m looking for the Devil’s son.

Receptionist: What?

Dean: What?

He tries to correct himself and blurts it out again, ending with “And this badge is fake.”  Ackles and comedy never cease to amaze me.

The formerly peaceful employees of Mirror Universe are also suddenly unable to lie, which results in confessions of affairs (and unexpected voyeurism), accusations of yogurt theft with resulting violence, and someone walking around exclaiming “I hate everyone!”

Dean proves that they can’t lie either by demanding that Sam tell him who his favorite singer is, because he knows Sam is lying when he says Elvis. (In fact, I’m pretty sure he knows what the real answer is, he just wants to hear Sam say it).

Sam says Celine Dion every time he tries to say Elvis, which I admit annoyed me. Celine Dion? Oh come on, really, Show?

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Supernatural Puts ‘Jack In The Box’ – and Me In A Mood

 

It’s a tough time to be a fan. I have two shows that I absolutely adore, and both of those shows delivered a gut punch last week that left me reeling. The Magicians season finale saw the death of one of my favorite characters (and half of my favorite ship) and it was both excruciatingly well done and absolutely heartbreaking (and maybe a bit problematic too). The very next night, Supernatural aired its penultimate episode of Season 14. I was already raw from the anticipatory grieving about Supernatural ending this time next year, and then The Magicians ripped me apart, so I went into watching “Jack In The Box” with more trepidation and dread than anticipation.

To those of you saying hey, why can’t you just watch the Show and love it? Let me just say that I would give ANYTHING to be able to do that right now. I DO love it, I will always love it. What I really want to do is squee about it all the time.  But last week’s episode left me feeling sad and vaguely sick to my stomach, so there’s not a lot of squee to be had right now.

I always go back and do a rewatch before I write my review, but today I found every excuse not to. Have to run out and pick up the ham for tomorrow’s dinner. Have to grade some papers. Have to clean….and water the plants (we have lot of plants, so that took alot of time)…have to….  Finally I couldn’t put it off any longer, and the rewatch made me feel every bit as sick to my stomach as the first watch did. I guess you can say that means the episode was well done, because it was clearly crafted to be upsetting (just as the episode before was crafted to be very sad), but when I don’t want to watch it, I’m not sure that’s the level of upset the Show was going for.

There were lots of times back in the day when fandom would all go online after a rip-you-apart episode of Supernatural and post tons of icons (predecessor of gifs) saying “Damn You Kripke!”

The Show has never played it the easy way, and it has never been lollipops and rainbows. It’s a story filled with tragedy, but it has also always been a story with hope and with characters I loved fiercely, who were often heroic in the face of tragedy. Terrible things have happened to our heroes over the years, and they’ve had to make terrible decisions to save the world and each other, but this episode was particularly hard to swallow. I’m well aware that my emotions (like most of the fandom’s) are heightened because we know we have only 21 episodes left of this story that is so important to us. That makes every episode that doesn’t hit quite right for me seem even more upsetting than it would have before we knew the end was imminent. So with that in mind, here are my thoughts on ‘Jack In The Box.’

We’ve known the episode title for quite a while, so everyone knew that Jack was probably going to end  up in that goddamn box, but I for one didn’t want to believe it. The Ma’lak box was so profoundly upsetting to the fandom when Dean was determined to get in it, and his nightmare so horrifying, that the thought of Jack in that box was almost unthinkable. So I guess I chose not to think about it. Still, as the ‘Then’ segment started, a chilling dread began to settle over me. Please Show, don’t go there. Please?

Let me just say at the outset that all the actors outdid themselves. They all played their parts incredibly well and every one of them made me genuinely feel. It wasn’t always what I wanted to feel, but feel I did. Robert Singer directed (and had a cameo as a doctor) and that was also as well done as always. The VFX was on point and the cinematography and set dec were often breathtakingly beautiful. I appreciate my Show even when I’m reluctant to go where it’s taking me.

We open with a memorial service for Mary in the bunker. The AU hunters and other people who’ve hunted with her are there, her photo (or rather Sam Smith’s photo) and John’s journal on the table. Sam, Dean and Cas join the group but only Dean speaks. He’s carefully composed, makes a joke about Mary’s cooking even, while Sam stands silent, nodding in agreement.

Dean: We lost our mom once before…

It’s something important to remember when you look at Dean’s behavior in this episode. There’s this thing with grief that’s called the “fishhook effect”. A new loss “hooks into” all the old loss and pulls it up like a fish snagged on a line, so that the pain of the new loss brings up all the pain of the old one and it’s overwhelming. That’s what happens to Dean here, I think. Unlike Sam, he remembers the horrible pain of losing his mother as a four year old, something that has shaped his life ever since and left him with a reservoir of anger that he’s channeled into making him an often ruthless hunter.

Dean expresses their gratitude that they got to know her and what she was really like, a smart and stubborn hunter who couldn’t cook worth a damn.

Dean: Mom, you weren’t here long enough…. But we’re glad for the time we had.

There’s a weird and jarring moment in the middle of all this where AU Bobby suddenly appears and tosses a hatchet across the room to kill one of the guests, who apparently is a wraith, but WTF? It was all very odd.

WTF?

AU Bobby says what we’re all thinking – that maybe Dean is like him, “bein’ teary in public’s not my style.”

That’s for sure because Bobby doesn’t seem very torn up at all for someone who was maybe kinda sorta having a bit of a thing with Mary.

At any rate, it’s soon clear that something is up with Dean. Sam suggests they open Ketch’s bottle of Scotch and hang out and talk about Mom.

Dean: (almost coldly) Talk about Mom? Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?

Ouch.

He boxes things up with steely motivation, like he thinks he can just box up his grief over losing his mother (again).

Courtesy of that grief and loss course I’m currently teaching, Dean and Sam struggle to understand each other in this episode or to be there for each other because they have two very different styles of grieving. Sam is an intuitive griever – he wants to express his grief and share his feelings, eager to take in the comfort of others. Dean, on the other hand, is an instrumental griever. He keeps his feelings to himself and tries to DO something instead – like plan a memorial and box up his mother’s things. Neither can help the other right now, and that’s heartbreaking.

Cas, Sam and Bobby break out the Scotch as Sam looks at one of the very few (only?) photos of him, Dean and Mary when they were little.

They disagree, however, about what to do about Jack.

Cas: We need to find Jack…and help him.

Bobby: I liked the kid… but if his human side is gone, he’s an unstoppable monster who don’t know right from wrong, and he needs to be put down!

Bobby sets off to do just that, and Dean takes off saying he needs to get out of there.

When the next scene opens, we see that Dean has parked the Impala in the woods and is sitting alone on a fallen log. He looks around one last time to make sure nobody is watching him, and then he finally breaks down. Jensen Ackles can make you believe grief like no one else, and he sobbed for real here. I can’t help but wonder if he was crying real tears knowing he will be losing Dean Winchester soon, the way so many of us keep crying. At any rate, it was a heartbreaking scene. Ackles talked about it at a recent convention, saying that it was a brutal scene to film because it was cold and pouring rain and they needed to shoot from above so there couldn’t be any shelter for him. It sounded like it took a long time to film, so it’s sort of a shame it was so short. It got the point across though. Dean is hurting – BAD. He just can’t let anyone know it.

Gifs itsokaysammy

And what is the most common ‘cover’ emotion when someone is hurting that badly? You guessed it. Anger.

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