Tag: Attitudes in Reverse

Happy Birthday, Jared Padalecki!

Happy Birthday, Jared Padalecki!

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I don’t post birthday messages here every year, but it’s been a while since I wished one of my favorite people a happy birthday with a post about why I think he’s so special. So happy 44th birthday, Jared Padalecki!

I first met Jared in 2007. Not at a convention or any public appearance. Instead, it was in the lobby of Casa Manana, the theater where Jensen Ackles was starring in a local production of A Few Good Men. Kathy and I had impulsively flown across the country to see Dean Winchester’s portrayer (and maybe meet him, if we were lucky). At intermission, we spotted a very (very) tall man in the lobby, trying to be incognito by wearing a beanie. Instead of meeting Dean Winchester, we met Sam Winchester! Kathy hid in the corner while I gathered the nerve to casually say hello to a young Jared Padalecki. I kept my voice down since no one had recognized him, but he was anything but reluctant to chat. I remember saying that it was such a nice thing for him to do, to fly to Texas to see Jensen in a play. He shrugged with a grin and said, “of course I would, he’s my bud!”   We went on our way so as not to draw any attention. A little while later Jared ran into Jensen’s dad in the candy line and exclaimed “Papa Ackles!” with an exuberant hug so apparently we were more concerned than he was.

That was my first introduction to Jared’s warm and open personality. Looking back, it was an example of so many things that are special about him – his genuineness, his warmth and openness, and what’s important to him, especially being there for the people he cares about. I saw how much it meant to Jensen that he was there that night, and I’ve seen countless times since how Jared will make an effort to support others. He’s got that empathy and sensitivity that can take a toll on you emotionally and wear you out sometimes, but it can also make you a caring person.

I had only spent a little bit of time with Jared outside of watching rapt at convention panels or grinning through early convention photo ops (see evidence below) when I decided to put together a book of all the amazing stories I had heard about how Supernatural had changed fans’ lives.

I’d been to the Supernatural set and seen firsthand what a supportive, creative and fun atmosphere Jared and Jensen had created there, allowing the cast and crew to be the most well oiled machine I’ve ever seen. The more conversations I had with Jared, the more I realized how deeply he thought about things – including this unprecedented experience he had been catapulted into as a very young man.

I also realized that his positivity about fans was in part because he identified as a fan too – it had shaped his life the way it has shaped many of ours. I got to know him a bit more through his support of the suicide prevention charity Attitudes in Reverse, which is dear to my heart too. Jared was right there on the ground, giving inspirational talks and donating his shoes to the “in their shoes” campaign to help raise awareness of the risk of suicide and the importance of talking about it.

When the fandom pulled together to show him how much his Always Keep Fighting campaign meant to so many of us, with thousands of us holding up AKF candles in Hall H at Comic Con, I could see how much that meant to him and just how deeply he understood the need for that mantra.

From personal experience.

I got to experience even more just how much Jared cares, and just how much courage he has, from putting together the book Family Don’t End With Blood. Over the years, Jared read all the books I wrote on Supernatural and fandom, asked me questions and gave me thoughtful feedback. So maybe it shouldn’t have been surprising that one day he asked me what I was working on. When I described the book that became Family Don’t End With Blood as stories of how Supernatural had changed and even saved lives, he said ‘hey, I have a story like that too.’  How many actors would just volunteer to share their very personal story, being vulnerable and honest about something that’s not always easy to talk about, in the hopes that it would help others who might be facing something similar? In a book, no less! Not many – though it turns out the Supernatural cast is one of a kind and twenty other Supernatural actors, including Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins, wanted to share their stories in the books too.

Jared’s story was deeply personal and incredibly vulnerable. Not only did he share his own fandom history as contributing to his appreciation and love for his own fans, but he wrote a moment-by-moment account of his most vulnerable time, when he struggled to keep going. How painful and scary that was. How he got through it with the help of supportive family and friends, and eventually with professional help that he’s been vocal about benefiting from. How those tea light candles at Comic Con  and #AKF meant everything to him.  Over the years I have had the privilege of hearing hundreds and hundreds of stories from fans about the difference Jared’s chapter and his willingness to speak out has made to them. How reading his words that describe unflinchingly how he felt was so powerful to them that they felt validated and less afraid to reach out for help – and did.

I know how difficult it was for Jared to write that chapter. As the editor, I was the one who had to keep asking when it would be ready. I saw the drafts, and heard the struggle. (Jensen can attest to that too, especially the time he likes to complain about when the Ackles and Padalecki families went on vacation together and Jared kept working on his chapter instead of joining them in the pool – sorry, Jensen!) But Jared refused to give up. He worked on that chapter for over a year and a half, writing multiple revisions even when I was saying ‘it’s fine as is’.  He wanted it to be real enough to make a difference. And you know what?

It is.

As a psychologist, I know how important that is. But who knew Jared Padalecki was actually a talented writer too? And who knew he cared THAT much?

(That’s Jensen being serious about Jared’s chapter, a rare photo op that wasn’t about being silly, but about the work Jared put into it and the impact it has had).

There are lots of other examples of how much he cares. In addition to writing his chapter, he’s spoken candidly about mental health, resilience and the importance of support on multiple podcasts and at many conventions. I’ve seen countless examples of how hard he works not to let any of the people he cares about down, from the hardworking crew who stayed on Supernatural for 15 years to his fellow SPN actors at the cons, to his family and friends and all of us, the fans. It strikes me frequently, how lucky we are as a fandom to have actors who are good people and genuinely care. Jared and Jensen set the tone for that a long time ago, and it’s still shaping the way most of the fandom and the conventions are today. I am so grateful for the captivating characters Jared has brought to life, from Sam Winchester to Cordell Walker to Mr. Marathon, but what makes him special is who he has managed to stay while navigating a profession that can change people not for the better.

So thank you, Jared. For sharing yourself and your story, and for continuing to care about others when that sometimes seems like a scarce commodity in this stressful world.

Wishing you a happy birthday, and hoping you can feel that caring coming right back at you – from your amazing partner and kids and family who clearly adore you, the friends that love you, and from all of us, who love you too. Keep being you.

You can read Jared’s powerful chapter in Family Don’t End With Blood, and his thoughts on someone else he cares about, Sam Winchester, in its sequel There’ll Be Peace When You Are Done — info at the website below. Both benefit Random Acts. Family also benefits Attitudes in Reverse, and Peace also benefits SPNSurvivors, in both their crucial suicide prevention efforts.

-Lynn

Family Don’t End With Blood and National Suicide Prevention Week

Family Don’t End With Blood and National Suicide Prevention Week

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This week is National Suicide Prevention Week. Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide in the world each year, which is roughly one death every 40 seconds. One of the biggest impediments to people getting help is reluctance to admit to struggling with depression and feeling like you can’t go on. The stigma around talking about depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts prevents people from reaching out and getting the help they need – it is crucial that we challenge this stigma and let everyone know that it’s okay to talk about how you feel, without judgment or criticism or censure.

As a psychologist, I’ve worked to eliminate that stigma and help people individually to find a reason and a way to keep living. One of the reasons we put together the book Family Don’t End With Blood was to challenge the taboos around talking about depression and suicide on a broader level – in a way that would be powerful to readers. Sometimes we think of “celebrities” as immune from those difficulties, so Family Don’t End With Blood is written by the actors from the television show Supernatural.  The actors who wrote chapters were all courageous in refusing to allow stigma to silence them. They wrote, with candor and emotion, about their struggles with depression, anxiety and self doubt. They allowed readers into their worlds, into their darkest hours, so that anyone reading the book would know that they are truly not alone. That it’s okay to speak up and tell people how much you’re hurting, and it’s okay to ask for help and to accept it when it’s given.

Sometimes we also think, mistakenly, that people who are “like us” are nevertheless much happier or more successful or more loved or whatever; we don’t think that they’re struggling in the same way that we are. So Family Don’t End With Blood also has chapters written by fans, who are just like you and me. They too write with courage about fighting against depression, anxiety, addiction, the feeling of not being “enough” – and of how they managed to keep going even when it was very hard.

Jared Padalecki’s chapter stands out for his willingness to speak openly about the time he almost gave up – and how he was able to let his friends and family and fans give him the support that allowed him to Always Keep Fighting. We hope, and all of us who wrote the book hope, that his words and his courage inspire others who are having trouble not giving up to keep fighting too. That everyone who reads his chapter feels validated in their own struggle and encouraged to continue on.

There are organizations out there that are doing amazing work trying to change the world. That’s why every copy of Family Don’t End With Blood benefits Random Acts and Attitudes in Reverse, an organization that aims to educate about depression, to erase the stigma around mental health, and to prevent suicide.

For his birthday this year, in appreciation of Jared’s chapter and his AKF campaign, we also decided to do a fundraiser in Jared’s honor. He asked that the proceeds go to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Most of the actors who wrote Family Don’t End With Blood signed a copy, and a very generous fan contributed almost $2000 to purchase it. We also sold a few tee shirts designed by Angie Siketa, and we were honored to donate all the proceeds to the Hotline, to support the important work they do providing a lifeline to those who need it.

It’s important to remember that we all need to hear encouraging and supportive messages from time to time. We all need someone who cares about us to have our back and to lift us up when we’re in danger of falling and carry us until we find our footing again.

So we wanted to give something to Jared too. Thank you to everyone who wrote him a heartfelt message about what his #AKF campaigns and his chapter in Family Don’t End With Blood have meant to you. We gave those messages to him in book form at the last con (with beautiful cover design by Cris Griffin, who also did the gorgeous cover art for Family Don’t End With Blood). I hope your words encourage him just as his words have encouraged so many of us.

You can donate to any of the organizations below that are working to provide help to anyone dealing with depression and to prevent suicide, or give a copy of Family Don’t End With Blood to someone who needs to know that they aren’t alone, and that even lead actors on a successful television show struggle with depression and anxiety and need support sometimes.

Ask about it. Talk about it. Make it okay to talk about ALL emotions openly and honestly, and to ask for help when you need it.

And #AKF.

Jared and Jensen show each other how it felt to read the other’s chapter

There’s help if you or someone else needs it. Don’t be afraid to reach out for it.

Suicide Prevention Lifeline: suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Attitudes in Reverse: AttitudesInReverse.org

To Write Love On Her Arms: twloha.com

IMAlive: IMalive.org

Random Acts Crisis Network: randomacts.org/crisis-support-network/

— Lynn and Kim

Click Here to Order!  your copy of Family Don’t End With Blood

 

Vote For A Hero! The 2018 Change Maker Awards and the Supernatural Connection

Vote For A Hero! The 2018 Change Maker Awards and the Supernatural Connection

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When we decided to write Family Don’t End With Blood, one of the main reasons was to break the silence around mental health challenges. If nobody talks about their challenges, we all tend to think we’re the only ones suffering, and thus we keep silent. That means we don’t reach out for help when we need it – and that is a dangerous thing. As a psychologist, I know the tremendous value of hearing other people’s stories, so that our own can be validated. So that WE can be validated, and thus feel worthy of the help we so deserve. Many of the chapters in the book are written by people who have dealt with a significant challenge – and have come out on the other side. Some of those are Supernatural fans, and some of those are Supernatural actors.

Jared Padalecki was the first Supernatural actor who told me that he had something to say and a reason to say it in Family Don’t End With Blood. He wanted to tell his own story of coming up against significant challenges of anxiety and depression, so that others would be emboldened to tell theirs to someone who could help – so that others who were struggling would truly know “you are not alone”. Jared had partnered with two important organizations to help get that message out there, To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) and Attitudes in Reverse (AIR). Both organizations do amazing and important work in fighting stigma, educating people about mental health, and providing a route for people who are struggling to find the help they need.

Because everyone who wrote a chapter for Family Don’t End With Blood was passionate about making a difference, we decided to donate a portion of the proceeds to two of the charitable organizations the cast supports – Misha Collins’ Random Acts and one of Jared’s partners, Attitudes in Reverse.

AIR was started by Tricia and Kurt Baker after they lost their son Kenny to suicide. AIR volunteers, along with Trish and Kurt and their therapy dog Miki, speak at schools and universities about suicide prevention and mental health, and have put together a powerful exhibition called “In Their Shoes.” Each pair of shoes in the exhibit is from someone with an important message, written in their own words on their shoes, and helping to increase understanding and empathy for those who are struggling. You can literally “put yourself in their shoes” and understand the need for help and breaking the silence.

I’ve donated a pair of shoes, and so have many of the Supernatural cast. Gil McKinney, Samantha Smith, Mark Pellegrino, Carrie Genzel, Rob Benedict and Louden Swain, Jason Manns, Lauren Tom, Chris Schmelke and many others have written their messages on a pair of their shoes.

Samantha Smith donates a pair of shoes
Gil McKinney
Carrie Genzel

Jensen Ackles donated a worn pair of sneakers, with the message “My brother, I’ve got your back….Always.” When Jared was struggling, Jensen was there for him, and his message reflects his unwavering empathy, understanding and support.

Jared Padalecki donated a pair of boots which have travelled all over the country to help raise awareness. His message: When life breaks you down, never give up. Always Keep Fighting.

Jared and Jensen’s donated shoes and heartfelt messages
Miki feeling safe and comforted between Jared and Jensen’s shoes 🙂

In the chapter he wrote for Family Don’t End With Blood, Jared opens up about his own anxiety and depression, and how sometimes it has been difficult for him to keep going. He writes with extraordinary candor and vulnerability, taking the reader along with him on a lifetime journey of self discovery starting with his own childhood and continuing through Supernatural and the present. Jared shares his story so that others can feel like it’s okay to share theirs – and to accept help, just like he did.

I’ve had an ongoing struggle with anxiety and depression most of my adult life… it did win a few battles along the way (though I am proud to say, I am winning the WAR!). One of those battles was in season 3, during the filming of “A Very Supernatural Christmas.” It was a day like any other: I woke up, worked out, memorized my lines, and headed to the set. But something I couldn’t identify (or, maybe, that I was choosing to ignore) was eating at me. Beating me down. Convincing me that it was going to win, and that I didn’t have a chance to stop it. I made it through my daily hair and makeup and was taken to set for a rehearsal and blocking of our day’s first scene. I got in the car and rode to set, and then I was sent back to my trailer to finish changing into wardrobe and to wait while the crew set up the lighting. I walked into my trailer, sat down on the couch, and I couldn’t get up. I could no longer, on my own, muster the will to carry on. I heard the knocks on my door and I knew my crew was ready for me on set, but I couldn’t make it out of my trailer. After a bit of time, Jensen came into my trailer to see what was going on, and he knew I was not okay. He had the assistant director call for a doctor, and he sat with me to talk. The doctor showed up a bit later and sat with me in my trailer to ask me a few questions. After some time, the doctor told me that his professional opinion was that I was clinically depressed, and I should take some time off from filming.

That’s when it hit me.

I couldn’t stop filming.

I couldn’t put my crew out of work for a day, a week, a month.

I also couldn’t face, or admit, what was going on in my head.

I met the doctor in the middle. I went home, and we pushed that day’s scenes to another time. After a long sleep and a long jog and a long bath, I was ready to show back up for work the next day. Supernatural has continued for many years after that. And then, seven years later, we went back to film at the very same house we were using the day I sat in my trailer and couldn’t make it to set. That day was the day I also launched the first Always Keep Fighting campaign. In over 200 episodes, over 1,600 filming days, and hundreds of locations, what are the odds?

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