It’s Wednesday, October 9, 2019. It hasn’t been a noteworthy date in the past, but to many of us who are Supernatural fans, it’s feeling like one now. It’s the night before Supernatural’s Season 15 premiere – and the last time I will ever sit here trembling in anticipation of a new season of the Show that changed my life a decade and a half ago. Like most humans, I don’t do all that well with change – and I certainly don’t do well with loss. Supernatural has been incredibly important to me, in countless ways. It brought me some of my closest friends, gave me a community that I cherish, pulled me out of my anxiety-caused reticence to go places and do new things. It inspired me to attempt career moves, world travel, new relationships. It turned me into a writer, because I had so damn much to say about this show and these characters and this fandom that even fear and self doubt couldn’t keep me from saying it.
It’s been a long time that Supernatural and I have been together. It’s a long term relationship, with all the benefits that brings and all the potential losses that carries. I’ve grown used to the rhythm of the seasons, intense weeks of episode after episode when I join other fans in jumping up and down in joyous celebration of what we love and gnashing our teeth over what we hate, followed by intermittent hiatus breaks where we all speculate about what’s going to happen next and read a lot of fanfic. Supernatural is part of the ebb and flow of my life, enriching it in the best of ways. It’s personal, this thing I have with the show – and I don’t mean that in the pathologizing sense of the old scary term “parasocial relationship”. I mean the real one, the validating and inspiring and healthy one that lets me immerse myself for 42 minutes a week in a fictional world with beloved characters who manage to teach me about myself and feel like old friends. There’s research on this folks, I’m not making it up. It’s good for you. And for me.
The past week has seen article after article in all the mainstream media publications that cover all the shows and are well aware that a venerable series is about to end. I remember when no one was writing about Supernatural. When my first phone call to the studio was met with an incredulous “you want to write a book about this show?” I remember season premieres heralded mostly by fandom, mainstream media unaware of this hidden gem that only we knew was going to be something very special. I was frustrated for a long time that the rest of the world didn’t recognize Supernatural for what it was, or its cast for how amazing they are. Now, as it prepares to tell its last stories, it seems like the whole world finally knows. And I’m so very proud of our Little Show That Could, but each time I read an article I also think, you don’t really know. Not the way we do.
You don’t really know what this show means to us or how much it’s changed our lives. (Unless you’ve read Family Don’t End With Blood, and then maybe you have an idea). You don’t really know how we feel right now, caught between incredible joy and anticipation for tomorrow night and the constant looming knowledge that this is the last time we’ll have this. As always, I’ll have a slice of pie and a glass of wine and a comfy blanket ready as I sit down to watch tomorrow night. As always, I’ll also have a big box of tissues. But this time, I need those tissues tonight too. I’ve needed them all week, every time I read another headline. This time I’m steeling myself for the first of the lasts, desperately not wanting that to be the case. I’m determined to cherish every moment I have left with my favorite show and my favorite characters, but I also know this will be a rough season full of anticipatory grief as well as celebration. Luckily I know I’m not alone – as always, the fandom community who really does get it is there to take the last trip on this wild ride with me, just as it’s always been.
Buckle up, SPNFamily.
See you on the flip side.
— Lynn
You can read how Supernatural really has
changed lives – for the actors and the fans –
in Family Don’t End With Blood – links on
the home page
You are so right , Lynn. This show has changed my life too. I’m 64 years old yet when I’m at a convention I’m a 16 year old fan girl. And damn proud of it. I was in a bad way and this show brought me back to myself. I read and write fan fiction. I’m a shipper. I’ve learned a whole new vocabulary around that word. I understand bronlys and Destiel and Sabriel, etc. I am also facing tomorrow night with a sense of excitement and also dread. I have high hopes and expectations for this last season but as Chuck said in Swan Song. The fans are always going to bitch. Endings are impossible. Unfortunately they are also inevitable. See you at SPNORL next year
Family don’t end with blood is a book (& I have many) that I will keep rereading until I die. This show, & it’s fans mean more to me than I can say. It will always be a part of my life, and I can say, with confidence, that I will love this show & it’s actors forever!
I am not ready. I don’t think I will ever be ready. Thank you for bringing voice to the emotions as you do so often!
I wish I could experience the premiere with the rest of the fandom. Unfortunately my local CW station chooses to air high school football in October. I have complained bitterly, far and wide, in phone calls and in writing. It has made no difference. So I’ll be watching it on the CW channel on Friday.
Thanks Lynn, it’s been a great ride so far and looking forward to your thoughts as always, this little show which is so much more than the sum of its parts , has done so much for many people.Aided by your thoughtful and often fun insights, I shall enjoy following the story as it unfolds alongside you through the season ( and hopefully beyond???)
Than you for the post
You know I was not expecting a post the day before the series began
And I was pleased to see it… I agree with the sentiments
I have never been much for posting and joining online communities but with Supernatural it was different… it really did have an impact
Like many I have been a fan from day 1 and it seem strange to think this is the last season…
But it is comforting to know we are not alone, we’ll never be alone again thanks to Supernatural and this amazing family it brought together…
Let’s enjoy the last run
It will be amazing and continue to be amazing!
It is the best of times (I’m thinking Season 15 is going to be extra dramatic and special) and the worst of times (it’s ending!!!) and bad paraphrasing as I go. Lynn will be able to put things into a coherent paragraph and probably explain things much better than I.
As usual Lynn, you express so perfectly how we all feel. I love how you describe SPN as part of the ebb and flow of our lives…I honestly don’t know what I am going to do when season 15 ends and a huge part of my life is gone. Yes, we will always have those 15 seasons to rewatch forever, and the SPN family will never go away, but in many ways, things will never be the same again, and that hurts. I know one thing: in the coming year I will be leaning on my SPN family harder than ever!
I’m Ready…Not Ready🤷🏻♀️.
You pretty much nailed my feelings above👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼.
So am I ready???
I’m in a “Hurry up but take it slow” frame of mind.
I share your sentiments. I’ve never gotten this involved with a show before and I haven’t found a new show to help fill the void that will happen next spring. I’ve been here since the beginning and its gonna be weird to not have a show to watch after 15 seasons. The one thing that really bugs me about all these articles, is where the hell were all these articles for the last 15 seasons. How did they not know, or see what we have been seeing all along? How have the boys not had the recognition they’ve deserved for all these years until now? While they will never have the awards they rightfully merit, they will always have the fandom’s love and appreciation for all their hard work.